Today, one of my client’s was
disappointed pissed off to be feeling stuck again. She thought she’d worked through it, that we’d shifted things, that she’d never have to feel that brand of ick again.
But the thing is, it is different. You are shifting things. We just have this amazing knack of linking now, with then, and trying to make sense of it by seeing the familiarity, the similarities.
It’s not so useful.
Her situation reminded me of a post I wrote almost four years ago to the day. It’s a good one, worth repeating. So here you go.
It’s NOT about never getting stuck again.
Do you ever just wake up sometimes and feel sad? No reason, no easy to figure out reason anyway. Just there you are feeling a little down. Or anxious. Or just out of sorts, a bit stuck. What happens next?
Do you think, “oh no, what is wrong with me, I’m feeling this again?” Or do you remember that this feeling you’re having, will come and go. There’s no greater meaning in it. I love when my clients begin to understand that the less they fight, the less they push, the kinder and gentler they are with themselves, the quicker they move out of the stuck space.
This is a tough one though.
It so often brings up a fear of, if I don’t push, if I don’t make myself get out of this place, I’ll be here forever.
There are a gazillion cliches I could share now: This too shall pass, What you resist persists, you know, you’ve heard them, and I don’t need to go through them all. I’ll share something with you, while they may be true it still pisses me off when someone says them when I need to hear them the most.
So, rather than that, how about a little kind curiosity?
Notice what it is that you’re fighting against. What if it were a person, a friend, a child? What would you say to that friend? What would you do for them?
Perhaps you’d just listen. Let them pour their heart out on your kind shoulder.
Maybe you’d suggest some physical comfort: a nice cup of tea, a quiet walk, bowling (sometimes you need to throw heavy objects at things and knock them over).
Sometimes a healthy distraction is in order, like a movie or a book.
It doesn’t matter so much what you do, but rather how you approach it.
It’s NOT about never getting stuck again. It’s about how much kindness can you offer yourself when you do.
Have you started practicing this? Do you do something else? Share your experiences in the comments: