Good | Bad | Rad #16 – Much sadness + a tiny dose of joy

A look back at some of the best, hardest and most surprising parts of my week.

I realize I’m dreading writing this review of my week. I’ve been anticipating how difficult it was going to be. Wondering if I should just skip it for a week. Wanting to skip it for the week.

But. 

This last week was tumultuous. Filled with so much pain. And also joy. And sadness. And a few momentary sparks of happiness.

The week happened.

The things that happened, happened. Not writing about it doesn’t change anything.

Rather, writing about it just might help. It might help me continue to understand my feelings, to get used to the things that have happened. Sharing my experiences, might prompt something in you. Even though words just don’t seem to convey what I’m experiencing.

However, at some point I became aware that this week, rather than being an anomaly, was just life. Heightened, deeper, stronger, but essentially, simply life.

So here I am, once again, sharing my week.

I hope you’ll join me.

The Good

Baby Power. Remember my rad beach trip last week? One of the friends I was with was pregnant. And was supposed to remain so for a few more weeks. But, that didn’t happen. Instead, her new son a week ago. Although he was earlier than expected, both he and the new mom are doing wonderfully. I’ve never held (or even seen in person for that matter) such a small baby. I’m grateful that I get to be some small part of his new life.

Processes, Tools & Techniques. Even though I considered cancelling the Explore & Play call this week, I’m so glad I didn’t. I was deeply immersed in using the skills I wanted to teach in the days leading up to the class. And I hoped that someone on the call, or listening later, would gain insight from it as well.

I am so grateful to know the things I know. To be able to be with myself in a compassionate way. To have so many options available when I’m stuck and hurting and unsure. I still feel sad and angry and overwhelmed at times. And I’m able to be more present and know that those things are not the whole of who I am. Even when I need to ask other people for reminders, for support. I’m glad to know who to bring my stick to.

Trail Running. I haven’t done much trail running for awhile, and was happy to discover a great trail close to home. It’s very accessible, and just a half mile into the trees, you feel like you’re a million miles away from the city. It was a great distraction this weekend when I was feeling at loose ends. I’m sure I’ll be spending lots more time there.

The Bad

Sudden Loss. Last weekend I lost a dear friend, Brooke Mauzy. Bad doesn’t begin to express my deep sadness over her death. It was sudden. She was too young. She leaves behind so many people grieving her. Her young daughter, family, friends, co-workers, her dog.

Her Facebook page has become a living tribute to her, with people posting notes about how she touched their lives, funny memories, pictures. So many pictures! I’ve been visiting the page frequently. Reading the postings is poignant and bittersweet. I cry and miss her, and I try to take away from this horrible situation how fully she lived her life. How truly connected she was, with so many different people. I’m taking time to look at my life, to notice if I’m connecting with the people I want to be connected with, doing the things I want to be doing, thinking the thoughts I want to be thinking, being the way I want to be.

It also gave me a reminder to make sure that I’m registered on Oregon’s Organ Donor list. I signed up years ago when I first got my Driver’s License, but making sure I’m on the latest database ensures my wishes will be followed when the time comes. Brooke’s decision to do this has changed the lives of at least four people.

If you’re in the US and want to make sure that you’re registered as an organ donor, here is a listing of all state organ donor registries. If you’re outside the US, I encourage you to check into the rules of your area and make sure your family is aware of your wishes.

The Rad

You. Each of you who acknowledged my pain, whether here, on Facebook, by email, text, message, in person, or just sending your good thoughts.

Each of you who was able to be on the Explore & Play call. Each of you who asked a question, were coached, shared an insight afterwards.

Each of you who shows up here, reads these posts, lets it touch you in some way, whether you comment or are quietly experiencing the experience in your own way.

All of you are rad.

Thank you.

And you?

What were the Good | Bad | Rad parts of your week? Share them here, in the comments, or on the Perception Studios Facebook page.